as if for nothing.?!,

she didn't know

she wasn't sure

but somehow she followed

followed her emotions

“回忆是折磨人的东西”

这（那）一刻是个多么的美好的回忆

但这（那）一刻却会（已）是个恶劣的回忆

"I have a dream"

“梦”

只想把这一切当作是个梦

AllForNothing(?)

She realises that she lives(is living) in the past.

Time had somehow stopped.

because she hasnt been able to live in the present.

unable to live the current moment fully and taking it real.

Realisation!

- is it a dream？

- emotions. it is alive. there's no need to deny it of its existance.

-all for research?(.)

失恋固然辛苦

但爱恋呢？他是设么？

暗恋呢？它的感觉是设么？

而苦恋呢？苦恋的滋味你可否尝过？

你又是如何度过的呢？

费心

费思

费力

感受了一切一切

崩溃

在逃往里，面对现实。

只能走开。逼着，试着，反复的提醒自己

愿她能以这每次每次痛苦的逃开，更加强自己的勇敢与抵抗力...

... 直到她没感觉为止吧...

27jan2011

9.15pm

twitter on blogger

this post was meant to be up on 13dec2010.

~~~

Which is Sadder?

Wishing You Haven't Done Something

or

Wishing You Did Something?

~~~

She's never good with departures.

Silent tears trickled down her cheeks.

Certain things doesnt change.

~~~

IRONY

loving you is so easy, yet it feels so hard to love you.

~~~

do i love u? yes, i do.

do i adore u? no, not necessarily.

do i care for u? of cos i do.

do i like you? make me

~~~

伤感的爱情是美丽的。

应为能从中领悟到人最深处的感受...

所以谢谢您给与我的伤

痛！

~~~

save me!

我怎么会变这样？

那，是我的挡箭牌， 是我设下的防范。

想要逃脱

却舍不得离开

为何当时我们没有对彼此说呢？

是谁错了？

错，在哪里？

是命运在作弄吗？

我快要受不了了。

受不了对彼此的伤害。

明明关心你

明明想靠近

却没有勇气承认

没有勇气接近你

但，相信我，相信我想对你说的真心话：

我真的好喜欢你。真的真的。从以前就爱上了。

如果你受伤了，我为你感到心痛

当你伤心时，我为你掉泪

如果你觉得落寞，我会陪着你

不管你做什么，我都会默默的支持你

就算你不知道也无所谓

原因很简单：我爱你。

对不起，请原谅我。

原谅我没勇气面对。

it doesn't mean anything( )

?.？。?.？。

量子物理与生活

人的大脑只会促存自己可以辨识的事物
也就是说，我们的大脑只能看得到我们认为可以的事物

举例来说，当哥伦布发现美洲新陆地的时
陆地上这些印地安人的眼中根本看不到哥伦布的船
那是应为他们没有看过船
在他们大脑意识中，没有船的概念

如果大脑无法辨识
即使这样东西就在眼前，你也看不见

当你坠入爱河的时候
总会有一个人忽然而且有刻意现在你眼前
你在人群中，总是一眼就能看到他（她）
应为大脑辨识出他（她）的存在
所以你的眼光会不由自主注释着他（她）
就算对方没有告诉你
即使只是存在于同一个空间里
你也会感受到对方的存在
甚至刻意做出某些动作来强化自己在对方大脑的辨识

所以‘爱’是一种发现
发现本来就存在的那个人

Quantum Physics and Life

the human brain works on a recognitive mechanism
this means that what we see is what we percieved as having existance

take for example, when Columbus founded and arrived at New America
the aborigines were not able to see his ship
this is because they have never seen a ship before
nor have any knowledge of the existance of ships

one would not be able to 'see' something/someone
even if he/she/it is right in front
because one has no recognition of the particular existance

when you fall in love
isn't there a person who seemed to appealed constantly to you?
that you see only him(her) in crowd
because the brain recognises his(her) existance
so your eyes instinctively picks him(her) out
Despite him/her not making known that he/she is there
you can actually feel the other's existance when in the same space
sometimes, one performs certain acts
to strengthen the knowledge of one's existance in his/her brain

Love is a Discovery
to discover someone who already exists.

?.?.?

你曾经爱过人吗
真的要将一个人从心里完全删除，
那只完全不喜欢才做得到。
一旦喜欢上一个人
不管是放弃或是坚持
那都是由不得自己的

一个人的心是很复杂的
我的心复杂到有好几百种
有的叫我期待
有的叫我割舍
有的叫我放弃
有的又叫我勇敢

你要我仔细看看自己的心
但是我连哪一颗心是对的，都不知道
你了解这种感觉吗？


have you ever liked a person before?
to let go of the person and not think of him/her again
it can only be done if you've never liked the person
once you love a person,
it doesn't matter if you're letting him/her go
or pulling him/her close
the decision cannot be controlled by yourself

a person's heart is very complicated
my heart is complexly layered
it would whisper hope
it would tell me to cut it out
sometimes it says give up
other times to be brave

you want me to look deeper into my heart
but i don't know which part of it is the right one.
do you understand how this feels?

？。？。？

she loves him.
she see him
and always picks him out.
but does he see her?
can he feel it too?

Oh no.. It’s been sometime since she felt like that!

Hasn’t experience loneliness for quite awhile now..

She knew she had grown accustomed to (read: reliant on) the jollity all around her. (much to her dislike)

· Special thanks to double Ds and double Ss n all u wonderful people of Lasalle Dance 09/10 for keeping her company these past months) and she loves/loved/‘s loving every moment with these people..

· wished dhee could have join all of them on d last makan session. In her opinion, dhee n sop r d funniest and craziest ppl she knows. They should meet each other.. right drea? Can u imagine d madness?

Out n alone..(part i)

How she reminisced the nostalgic feeling of having d special friend(s) window shop at Bugis Street..

Remember the old slogan?

“Cheap Cheap, Good Good, last Long Long”

How she missed the random meals at Bugis Junction/street/iluma...

Remember how chillin’ could simply having a drink at Starbucks?

Those times filled with bitchy business, tears and laughters and of course, Encouragements!!!

Out and alone..(part ii)

Even numbers everywhere..

She’s d odd one out..

How she longed for someone.. ..

***

It’s all coming back to me now..

Singing to familiar sad tunes,

Strolling along familiar lanes,

all these mornings, afternoons,

and evenings of memories remains.

(okay, this is quite lame)

H

She's sitting in pod F2(something), watching Sufri teach class in H.
Sufri is good at what he does n this is his unique style: Indian contemporary dance
She wished she could take the class, rather than jut watching(whether from afar or just close by)
"Heal soon, Feet!", she said aloud n the phrase reveberated, reminding her of the stamping she's watching people do..

She has a Habit.
She cuts her Hair when she's feeling stress.
Hairdressing can ease the downtrodden feeling, or so she thought.
Not this time. It was Horrible. Horrible Horrendous Haircut. Hate it!
Felt stress b4 cutting. Felt stress during. Felt stressed after.
She swore never to b back there for Horrible Horrendous Haircut again..
"I Honestly need Henry to fix my Horrible Horrendous Hair soon, like asap!!!"

H is for hurry..
Class had ended.. She needs to go get her things frm H... ...

True Lost

2 years and 6 months ago,
she thought she'd lost him.

2 years and 6 months later,
she realized that she'd truly lost him.

***

"my heart broke when u and i parted."

"even though we no are no longer together, i still love u"

-

"should i feel happy or sad?"

"haven't i been prepared to faced this?"

"so why does it hurt so much to see you with another"

***

Double Ds

The purpose of most blogs is to jot.
To the readers, the blog reflects and reveal its writer.

Mine served 2 purposes.
& conflicting purposes they are.
To reveal and conceal.
***

Don't ask me about my title or this blog entry.
It's for me to know, and for people to never find out.

The journey will begin shortly.
or rather the regime shall commence.
... ...

Chance(d) Meeting

she left the creative cube theatre.
her mood? not exactly good. but she wouldn't say it's bad either.
she doesn't how and what to feel...
(happy for others or despair for herself)

she walked aimlessly.

people passed her.
she passed people.

she wonders about the phrase 'chance meeting'

• "Who is the person that just walked pass?" "Will he/she become a celebrity, the future Fann Wong?"
• "Who the hell bumped into me?" "Will i go to school the next day and learning that he/she would to be my new teacher?"
• "Who had just brushed pass my shoulders?" "Will I meet he/she again someday?" "Will he/she then become friends with me?" "Will he/she eventually becomes my significant other half?"(what a consolation to singles reading this =p)
• "Have i met my best friend even before we think we first met each other?" "Could it be in the MRT or bus and that we were merely strangers that is part of the crowd?"
• "Isn't that *Tom?" "What a coincidence to see him here!" "Is it really coincidence?" "Does fate play a part in this?"
• etc,etc.
  

Various Scenarios,
Countless Questions,
... ...

ONE answer.

-CHANCE MEETING-

she wonders again.
" have i already met him? "


*naming is random.

The Rain Project

It rained yesterday.
It is raining now(today).
Is it going to rain tomorrow?

YES. i think i am crazy.
why am i thinking about rain?
NO. the rain is forcing me to think.

i am amazed by the rain.
and i am inspired by the rain.
Suddenly, the rain means so much to me..

Positivity?

I am staying positive, for now.

Insane

it is:
- insane that i am in school on a sat when i have nothing on.
- insane that i met the foundation students in school.
- insane that albert laoshi and the frontier dancers were to use H studio after the juniors' class and i am still there.
- insane that i laughed out loud at someone.
- insane that i tried to escape albert laoshi's eye by tip-toeing out of the side door, heading in the direction that he is in!
- insane that he saw my failed 'escape'.
- insane that he actually smiled at me.
- insane that i walked half an hour in bugis street with no shopping campanions.(Andrea,Sudhee, Shah, let's go shopping after exams!)
- insane that i walked to costume shop and stage image to get my shoes and tights, despite carrying 2 bags that weigh tonnes.
- insane that i took the bus from arab street to bugis junction= 2 stops only
- insane that i walked 2 rounds in MOS burger and still couldn't get a seat.
- insane that some lady stopped me to do a questionaire.
- insane that i ended up in a long, long, (did i mention long) boring advertising conversation with her about investing in her company.
- insane that i left her in dazed state when i finally said: I AM NOT INTERESTED. sorry
- insane that i ate my 3rd macdonalds' meal this week, in an effort to win the top prize of $50 000 cash. ($).($)
- insane that i bought appollo chocolate biscuits again. (at least i found a shop that sells $3.30 instead of the usual shop that sells at $4.40)
- insane that the numbers in the dollar and cent places are corresponding.
- insane that i bought 2, 400ml shower gel. (actually buy-1-get-1 la)
- insane that i went back to school thinking that i can 'season' the new pair of ballet shoes.
- insane to find that frontier dancers and laoshi are still in H studio and i can't get in to deposit my stuff.
- insane that i tried to take the lift at H only to find the door to the lobby locked.
- insane that i had to creep up the stairs outside H without being seen.
- insane that i went into F212 to do homework.
- insane that the moment i on the computer, i need the toilet.
- insane that i left all my belongings in there will i go toileting.
- insane that i couldn't focus on homework once i press the icon called internet.
- insane that i actually thought of renaming it to 'BEWARE' or 'THINK TWICE' or even 'DANGER ZONE'
- insane that i blogged. and such a long blog this is in Samsam's point of view.
- insane that i laughed hysterically in POD F212 by myself after watching a much awaited video.
- insane that i haven't touched my homework.
- insane that i told my dad to pick me up at 9pm when the shower stuff and apollo are still with me.
- insane that i am still typing on this page when i suppose to be mugging for quizzez or completing homework.

Last, but not least, it is:
- insane that i have not had my daily dose of the heavenly drink known to the majority of people as BUBBLETEA.
the minority of people(like me, or probably only me) calls it booblerT.

samsam =O

An Incomplete Visit

This is bad. I've been missing 2 days of contempt classes already.
And here i am in the school library, after an incomplete visit.
To where then? Back to the foundation memory.

-I took the lift at block G.-
-A wave of nostalgia gushed.-
-I miss my foundation days.-


Hoping to relish the "good,old days", i skipped my way to the G studios.

G202's door had been ajar.
It reminded me of the mornings i would pass the studio in a flash to get to G201 on time for class; the rare mornings where i am early and can afford to steal a glance into the studio where the seniors(now alumni) warmed themselves up for Albert Laoshi's (insert-whatever-vocabulary-you-interpret-his-classes-as-here).
but no, it was an incomplete visit. No seniors. No Albert Laoshi..

G201's door was closed. (tight close)
My visit is incomplete. i could not get in... =/
On the door was the studio schedule. Friendly and familiar names printed on it. Dearest Elizabeth Thng and Lovely Peishan. I missed their classes.
Again, the visit is incomplete. I would not be able to take their classes. Not with the original pack of 4 musketeers(u-3-know-who-u-r.)

BLK C, Level 2 washroom.
"So what if there's only cold water, as least I am clean!"
A pang of sadness washed over me. i missed the days we all screamed as we bathe in the inhumanly cold water. i missed the times of urges and encouragements we gave each other. i missed the endless gossips we had.
and... it had all taken place right there. in the very toilet i am in.
An incompleted visit it is without the screams, laughters and most importantly, the company.

***
I don't know about the people who might be reading this.
but as i was typing and 'reminiscing', it brought tears to my eyes.
are u beginning to water to? or feel like? pls dont.
or u will look like an idiot like me. crying in front of the computer and in the school library coupled with a bunch of curious but offensive stares.

to elibird: U Know We Love You, We(SG) always will.



this pictures is a great example of an incomplete visit. notice the length of our hair.it's now either longer or shorter. and we definitely looked YOUNGER..
=p

YOUTH is something that cannot be brought back,(physique-cally).